You know I’ve never really taken a second look at a person’s face when I tell them I’ve never had a boyfriend before because I’m so used to hearing “really?” that I never stop talking and look to see if that’s them re-analyzing me as a person and thinking “okay….so there’s something wrong with her”. 

That’s just something I’ve thought about. 

Oh my god. people in the room above me if you don’t stop fucking stomping around I will come up there and politely ask you to be quiet…

I can’t seem to start this story off right, but it’s been banging around in my head all day. So let’s just set the scene for you. 

It was just around sunset as I was riding my bike toward home. And all I had with me was my film camera, and my phone. 

As I approached PCH, I couldn’t help but want to snap some shots of sky. There was some crazy, bright red explosion happening on the horizon right behind (what I assume to be) San Pedro hills in the distance. 

So I got to the beach path, hopped up the railing and took a few. But then I saw this American flag in the distance and decided I wanted it in my shot.

Well, there was what appeared to be a couple and their daughter sitting on bikes next to the flag, but I approached anyway. Figuring they wouldn’t mind if I kept to myself.

Ignoring them completely, I was snapping away, completely lost in what I was doing until I realized they were all yelling at each other. So I put my headphones in, and kept doing what I was doing as to not interfere.

Then suddenly the guy and the little girl rode off. And the lady goes to get on her bike too. I turned away to scope out any other angles I could get of the sunset. And then I hear a crash and a cry out. 

I look back and this lady had literally sat on her bike, toppled over, hit the railing and now is on the ground with blood running down her leg from a huge gash on her knee. 

A spanish family had been walking by as it happened, so it was just me and them. I ran over to her and helped her up. Looking back and forth from the family and to this lady, and then to her leg and back to the family again. We were all shocked. 

They took a few steps back. Basically giving me the sign that they weren’t helping this woman, it was all on me. And literally it was, she had all her weight on me as I held her up. I kept looking around to see if the guy had come back. Nowhere in sight. 

I asked the family if they had any water to pour on the gash she had in her knee. They took out a giant water bottle, poured barely a sip of it on, and then put the bottle back in their bag. I tried to ask if they drove here, if maybe they could give her a ride home. They said they had a long walk. I looked down and the next thing I know, it’s just me and this crying woman. 

Then from across the path some guy yells “Denise, are you kidding me? We’re right fucking here”. 

I looked up and said “Hey, you better come get her, she’s bleeding pretty bad”. 

The little girl said “Denise, you need to take a cab home. We’ll see you at home. Bye!”

And they both just fucking rode off. Just like that. Didn’t even come over to check on her, didn’t get think to call her a cab, didn’t even think about her. At all. 

So I walked this lady, Denise, down the path and across PCH. Called her a cab. And waited. 

All she kept saying was “I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed, You’re so sweet, Thank you so much, Thank you so much, I just wanna go home”. Plus, “My leg is fucked”. 

Turns out that guy was her boyfriend, and the little girl was his daughter. They’ve been dating for a year. And she lives with him. She called both of them, and they didn’t answer. 

The cab came, we threw her bike in the trunk, and she grabbed me and hugged me so hard. I was scared for her. I almost got in the cab with her just to make sure she’d get home okay. But I didn’t. 

I’m still in such disbelief about how that all played out.

I still can’t believe they could leave her there when they saw her fall, when they saw her crying and bleeding. I still can’t believe the message the guy left me, how he was laughing about it like it was a total funny thing, “Hey there, I think you have my other half! hahaha” 

I called him back and told him she’s on her way to his house. I told him leaving her there without any way of getting home wasn’t okay. He told me his first priority is his daughter. I said I understand and hung up. I felt sick. 

I don’t understand people. 

wearemostaliveindreams:

     People don’t bother me. It’s their complexity that sits me on edge. Always looking between every word they say, to find the origin and the true meaning behind them. It’s a quiet obsession. A subtle confinement that I linger on when my feet finally rest and my head can focus on one thing at a time.

     It’s unhealthy, and I recognize that. My heartbeat thumps inside my ears and my shrinking stomach turns into knots. Making lists of possible motives and goals that others have set beyond me. I am only a way-point. A tangent within a series of events that will lead them somewhere better than a room that holds my voice.

     And everyone I’ve ever known has ended up as a page in my notebook. Some have more pages than others. Some have their own notebooks. A shrine dedicated to them. Where I can sacrifice their limbs and their organs to some greater good.

     A greater good that no longer cares about the written word. So my effort seems futile and irrelevant. The hours I spend thinking and writing is just a waste of the only talent I have.

     So I wonder about the people I’ve met. If they’ve achieved their goals and if they smile more than they used to. If they have forgotten me and who their parasitic incisors are attached to now.

     We all feed off of each other.
     A nation of leeches.
     We’re all used and forgotten.